Local Tele Skier Totally Needs a Couch for One, Maybe Two Weeks

local tele skier

Burlington, VT — After getting kicked out of the house by his now ex-girlfriend, local tele skier Kyle Gordon totally needs a couch to crash on for “just like a few weeks man.” Citing his ability to “throw you a few brewskies” plus the fact no one is using the couch anyway, Gordon makes a strong case for his unpaid-tenancy.

“Dude, my buddy Todd says he’s got a sweet gig lined up for me bar-backing near Killington this winter,” said Gordon. “I’ll be able to get a new spot in no time!”

Gordon intentionally did not bring up his crippling addiction to Flaming Hot Cheetos, smoking cigarettes inside, or his inability to ever put anything back where it belongs.

UPDATE: After three months, Gordon has still neglected to wash his socks, get a job, or leave the house. He has however, successfully filed for unemployment and bought a season pass.

2 thoughts on “Local Tele Skier Totally Needs a Couch for One, Maybe Two Weeks

  1. First thing I thought of was Todd Snider’s “Story of the Ballad of the Backbone Tavern”:

    So I called my brother… he was living in Austin. He had these friends who were letting him stay on their couch, and I figured they might have a couch that I could stay on. So, I got this ride to Austin, Texas and got to this address my brother gave me, and this guy introduced himself as “Bonehead.” And I went in and started asking around; turned out they didn’t have the second couch, they just had the one couch, uh, for my brother. But they knew where there was a party, and I thought, well, that’s good enough. . . . And then towards the end of the party when everybody drizzled out a little bit, I got to talking with Trog. Turned out him and his friends, they did have an extra couch that somebody could stay on. So I went over to their house and stayed for like three months.

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