Burlington, VT — After getting kicked out of the house by his now ex-girlfriend, local tele skier Kyle Gordon totally needs a couch to crash on for “just like a few weeks man.” Citing his ability to “throw you a few brewskies” plus the fact no one is using the couch anyway, Gordon makes a strong case for his unpaid-tenancy.
“Dude, my buddy Todd says he’s got a sweet gig lined up for me bar-backing near Killington this winter,” said Gordon. “I’ll be able to get a new spot in no time!”
Gordon intentionally did not bring up his crippling addiction to Flaming Hot Cheetos, smoking cigarettes inside, or his inability to ever put anything back where it belongs.
UPDATE: After three months, Gordon has still neglected to wash his socks, get a job, or leave the house. He has however, successfully filed for unemployment and bought a season pass.